Monday, November 13, 2006

As We Proceed...Updated

Part 2...

First things first, let's name this dude. I don't want you to be confused as we go along. We're going to call him Shame. So now later that day and after the first phone call Shame called me back to ask where I was. I said why, he said because he wanted to know if he was going to see me when he got home. I told him yes. So he came in after work and as soon as he came in he said "You didn't cook?" I said "You didn't bring me anything to eat?" We went back and forth until finally he changed his clothes and took me to pick up something to eat. We came back in, ate and I watched America's Next Top Model (one of my guilty pleasures) while he did some work on his laptop. He continued to aggravate me about having sex. Now I'm not going to pretend like I didn't want to because I did (it's been a while), I don't know I just wasn't feeling it as much as I would have before. I guess it's because our relationship had changed. When I say changed, we went through a really rough time.

Let me take you back...

Shame is a dude that I met years ago. We dated briefly, (I was already in a situation but that dude was doing what he felt like so...) it wasn't serious back then because it couldn't be but we enjoyed each other's company when we could. We always had a great time together. Before things could get out of hand he was arrested and served some time (5 years). Somehow or another we lost contact and life went on. This summer I was going to Hawaii to meet this guy that at the time I thought could possibly be my husband. Without getting into detail right now things didn't work out. Shame unbeknown to me had been looking for me ever since he had come home. Literally 2 days before I was to leave I received a message on my myspace account from him. I was in complete shock, you have no idea. I returned his message and left him my cell phone number to call. He did so in a matter of 15 minutes. We made plans for him to come by after work and see me. When he came by I think we were both in shock at the fact that we both looked exactly the way we did we last saw each other. I sat in his car and we talked for a while before he asked if we could go have a drink and talk. We went to a little spot out here in Brooklyn called The Dean Street Cafe. We chopped it up and caught up to speed on what's been going on. When we first talked I told him immediately that I was going away with someone that I had been dating for 2 months. After he heard 2 months he really didn't seem worried that he couldn't take me from dude. He expressed that this time around he wanted me to himself. Needless to say I was torn but I'm a loyal person and I had already made a commitment to someone else and I was going to try and make that work first and foremost. Things didn't work the way I had planed.

When I returned home Shame and I went out to dinner and from that night were basically inseparable for about 2 weeks. For whatever reason he decided that we needed to slow down. Cool, is what I said and we did just that. Now this is what kills me with dudes, you can make the rules but yet you don't know how to follow YOUR rules. Amazing. So now I fall back and you start to do a go crazy because I'm not available to you when it's convenient for you. The nerve. from that moment things started to spiral out of control. I was coming through maybe only once or twice a week. I started to notice that condoms were missing the color and brands were changing. So I decided to just fall back completely and let dude do him. After all I have been through in past relationships I no longer have tolerance for bullshit. I would rather leave it alone than do the drama thing. When I say this dude act like he was loosing his mind...stressed was not the word for what he was trying to do to me. he began to text and call me like a mad man. His pleas for me to see him then turned into nasty disrespectful dis messages. Then they turned to threats. It was insane.

Oh boy...I just got a phone call I have to take...I'll finish posting tonight, PROMISE...Smooches

It got to the point to where I had to go away for a little while to get him to stop calling me. After I returned he did call again and I agreed to see him (I know stupid me), he came to my home and stood on my stoop to talk to me. This night it happened to be my parents' 37th year anniversary, so when he asked me to come back to his place I told him I couldn't because I needed to spend time with my parents. Later that evening I did call him and go by his place. Nothing happened we just talked. He proceeded to tell me that the only reason he act the way he did was because he didn't know how else to get me to respond to him.?? Okay so my thought was, your going to scare a girl into being with you...(chivalry is not dead) exactly how does that work? Beside the point that I'm not even that kind of chick...you scare me...I scare you. I had to let dude know my neighborhood is clearly not the one that you could run through and think your doing anything to me. We're not even going to get into that...moving on. That reunion didn't last long. That weekend my sisters and I were having a dinner for my parents at a small restaurant in Brooklyn. I called him and invited him to come, he told me he would. Do you know that the day of the dinner and hour before it was time to leave no less he called me to say "You know I'm not going right?" I was pissed beyond words, I simply said "Fine, no problem I don't chase I replace" and hung up. He immediately text me back with some nonsense about being disrespectful. I didn't even bother to respond. I was about to call someone else to replace his presence but then decided it wasn't even worth doing because this night was about my parents, so what if I didn't have a date. Right?

Later that night after dinner we took my parents to get a cheesecake from Juniors. From there I hopped in a cab and went to the city to meet my friend DJ. We went to a couple of clubs and I didn't make it in until around 5:30, 6:00am. Shame was texting me that morning: So let me get this straight...we broke up again because I didn't make a dinner? I texted him back: No it's because your selfish and I simply don't want to deal with it or you anymore. Please don't ask me how we got to this point because it all seems to become a blur to me. There was a lot of going back and forth being with each other and then not. A real roller coaster ride and just stupid on my behalf. Finally we got to where we are now and it was all for nothing if you ask me.

He finally told me a few days before that he was going to New Mexico for work. I immediately thought that he was going on vacation with some chick he was seeing and that's why I am feeling the way about him now that I am. He has said over and over that it was only work. For some reason I just can not believe that. I asked him why didn't he tell me to get a ticket knowing that he was going and had a hotel room. It's not like he was paying for anything if indeed it was was work. He said "Okay, get a ticket and come." I wish I could show you guys the look on my face. Why would it take for me to make that suggestion. That should be something you would want to do. I think at this point someone is suppose to stop me and ask me why I am upset and for what reason would I want to go anywhere with this maniac. This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about with me...crazy attracts crazy. Or could it be that I just wanted to take a vacation? (The kind of things that make you go hmmm.) In any event he's gone, I don't know where his car is, who's house sitting especially since he has a pet. I'm giving it up. I told him the other day that I think us trying to make it work again was a huge mistake and that we should just cut our losses now. he responded by texting: Wow...I swear I was wiling to do you right this time...Milk I'm at work...I am in love with you...please give this a chance. What the FUCK...I mean really! What were you doing before? I'll tell you...trying to make my life a living hell! I can be such an idiot sometimes. I have got to leave that alone.

I'll tell you what happens when he gets back...

Almost forgot to tell you, I called his job this morning and his receptionist told me he was out until Thursday. I asked if he was on vacation and she said no he was in training...HAHAHAHA. I still don't believe it because when I asked him when he was coming back he said Thursday. I called his extension the night before and he clearly left a message that said he would be out of the office until Wednesday. Now the way my mind works is this, if he comes back Wednesday and he is indeed with his chick they'll spend the night back to together and then he'll be trying to call me over on Thursday night. I'm just saying that's what I think. I think I'll text him now and confirm his return date. Let's see what he says...Smooches

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I need to respond to this but it's gonna take a little time. I may need to take a day off from work just to post a comment!